There was no way for me to know when I signed up how much of my life this whole experience would consume. There was also no way to know how much it would change me. I really don't have the word "can't" in my vocabulary anymore. For example, next time I think "I can't achieve ______" or "I can't possibly be as good as ______" I have some ammunition to fight back with. In my head. Sometimes my head can be a scary place. I clearly am a little crazy, but you catch my drift.
Among the many things that this experience has given me including confidence, friendship, humility, and some killer leg muscles is a sense of purpose. Not everything in my life is the way I would like it to be. And I often have a hard time reconciling that. But now I can look back at the last 5 months and know that instead of sitting around, watching TV and hoping life spontaneously gets better I spent it making myself a better person and making the world a better place. Not too bad, if you ask me.
Now let's get real. Am I scared? OMG. Absolutely. I basically am an emotional disaster right now vacillating between hyperactive anxiety (ah! port a pottys!) and tears (Autumn! where are you??). I have never been so far outside my comfort zone in my life. But I just know/hope that it will be fine. And maybe even better than fine. I mean, people allegedly have fun on this thing, right?
The support I have received from my friends and family in the past several months and especially the last couple days has really been overwhelming. Never in my life have people said that they are proud of me like this. And I am proud of me too. And I am proud of Autumn and I am proud of us. It's weird. I am never this positive about anything. But I am absolutely positive about this. Even if the biking kills me. Or the socializing kills me. Or the showers kill me. I don't think I will ever regret how I spent the last 5 months.
But really...stop asking me if I am going to do it next year again. I only have so much rainbows and butterflies in me. Let's not push it OK?
See you in SF!