Maybe Next Year.

I am laying in bed, looking for more pain killers while painfully composing this blog.

I will not be able to ride in AIDS/LifeCycle 9. The training has come to an end; my bike will be gathering dust for at least 12 weeks.

By Monday morning, the stiffness that started in my lower back during our ride last Saturday had turned into an inability to stand up straight, walk without pain or sit at my desk. By Tuesday, the degree of leaning and stiffness had increased, I was spending half of my day laying on the floor in my office and my PTs didn't have any answers. Thursday I visited a Spine Surgeon who recommended surgery as my only option. I visited Dr. Name on the Door who got me an appointment with a 2nd surgeon for a second opinion. 2nd Surgeon was more emphatic than the first; surgery was my only option. And surgery should be soon.

Its taken me a couple of days to have the courage to tell all of you....there's nothing much more that I can say besides THANK YOU for being the best group of friends and supporters ever. At the end of the day, I have to focus on the fact that I raised just over $4,000, picked up a new hobby and met amazing people. I also educated myself, and hopefully you, on the continuing need for safe sex education, HIV prevention and a cure. I don't think its fair that I will not be able to "cash in" on all of our hard work, and I don't think its fair that Caitlin will now be facing 7 days on a bike with a lot of strangers and no tent mate. This week, nothing was fair. Its not fair that Lexi hasn't woken up, and its not fair that my dear friend Erin was overcome by a rare virus. This week was hard. I'm sure things could be worse, and I am trying to focus on the fact that in 12 weeks, theoretically, I will be able to walk without pain, get through my work day without pain killers, sleep through the night and play basketball and ride my bike again.

In the words of one of Caitllin's best friends, Eric Irvine, "this was the way it was meant to be." Caitlin and I have to believe that. As I face scary back surgery, 12 weeks of recovery and Caitlin faces down this thing without her sidekick, we have to believe that somehow for some reason, this was how it was meant to be.

~~Autumn