BETTER PEOPLE AND ALL OF THAT

So, as all of you know I will now be riding AIDS LifeCycle 9 alone. Autumn put up a valient fight and a brave front, but she has to what is best for her and fix herself up so she can do all of the things in life she wants to do. Like ride her bike. And walk upright.

What does this turn of events mean for her? Missing something she has worked very very hard for and getting some kind of scary spine related surgery which renders her unable to wear pants for several weeks. It also means she has to face the fact that she cannot overcome this with just sheer force of will and accept her own vulnerability. These are not easy things for a person who never takes no for an answer and has accomplished so much by never giving up.

What does this mean for me? I will have to face my only fear bigger than riding a bike 600 miles on a bike: talking to people. I know the consequences of this turn of events seem unbalanced, but I can assure you...it is a disaster all around.

When I signed up for this I wanted to show myself I could do something amazing and learn a new skill and overcome obstacles. I did not, however, sign up for this to make friends. I don't want to be forced to be social. I don't like it, it's not fun, and I am pissed I have to do it. But, as Autumn and I have learned, the biggest challenges in life come from things you did not anticipate or want to do.

There is not much more to say about it. I am so, so sad that Autumn, by biggest supporter and other biking half will not be there next to me for this. And I am so scared about having to face something scary alone...but this is how it is, and I have to belive that it will all be allright. We are both going to benefit so much from what's coming...even if both our expereinces are excrutiating and uncomfertable. We will come out the other end better people and all of that.

Thats that. My remaining plans include training on Saturday, laying by the pool in San Diego Sunday, sending my bike up to SF Wednesday and have intermittent panick attacks between then and the 6th. Good times!

Oh and if you see me on the ride...talk to me. Becuase I can garuntee I wont talk to you first, but its not because I don't like you. I am not as mean as I look!
-Caitlin